I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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