So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
