I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
