writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
