dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
