sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
