So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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