I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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