How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
last night I used snow as a chaser
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
