Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
