Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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