Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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