i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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