i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
