So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
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I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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