So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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