Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
