I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
