i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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