Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
