there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
