He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
