I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
