It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
