I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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