that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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