This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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