im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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