Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
