Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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