I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
