I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
