I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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