He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
