I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
