I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
