i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You dont lie about slip and slides
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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