I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
