What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
