I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
