I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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