Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
