I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
