And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
