...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
is it fun? or sober?
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