In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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