You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
