You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Two words: nipple clamps
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