Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am never drinking with the goths again.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
