we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
