You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
