she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
