is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
