I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
