And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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