why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
