Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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