is your mom at the bar?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I fill condoms, not promises.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
