shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
