Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
