There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Damn victory sex feels great
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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