Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
