Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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