Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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