i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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