my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
