One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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