saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
