I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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