i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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