from now on my penis is your penis
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
bring money and cleavage
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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