I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
