Nicole vs. Life
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
