hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
